Horse QuotesEquestrian Lifestyle

77 Funny Horse Sayings & Quotes

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Who knew horses could be this entertaining? Explore our collection of witty and humorous horse sayings. You'll neigh-laugh your way through all 77 puns and jokes!

Here are handpicked funny horse sayings:

  1. “Why the long face? – Every bartender to a horse, probably.”
  2. “You know you’re a horse person when you spend more money on your horse than yourself.”
  3. “I don’t fall off my horse; I do random gravity checks.”
  4. “If you want a stable friendship, get a horse.”
  5. “In my next life, I want to come back as my horse. He has a better life than I do!”
  6. “Horses are God’s way of apologizing for every disappointing man in your life.”
  7. All horses deserve, at least once in their lives, to be loved by a little girl.
  8. “Horse logic: The less you want your horse to get dirty, the more likely he is to roll in mud.”
  9. Attributed to Lady Thornicroft after the hunt … when a saboteur asked
    her why the horse was so hot and sweated up; “If I had you between
    my legs for two and a half hours you dear sir, you would be equally
    as hot and sweaty.”
  10. “Riding a horse is not a gentle hobby, to be picked up and laid down like a game of solitaire. It is a grand passion.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson (with a humorous twist because, as any horse lover knows, it can be quite an addiction!)
  11. One man’s wrong lead is another man’s counter- canter.
    – S.D. Price
  12. Coffee, Chocolate, Cowboys… some things are just better rich.
    – Original source unknown
  13. “A horse doesn’t care how much you know until it knows how much you care. Show him you care, and he’ll move mountains; ignore him, and he might just sit on your car.”
  14. Why do we call riding on a horse ‘equestrianism’? Because “staying on a big powerful animal that could kill you if it wanted to” wouldn’t fit on the trophy.
  15. You cannot train a horse with shouts and expect it to obey a whisper.
    – Dagobert D. Runes
  16. “You can tell a gelding, you can ask a stallion, but you must discuss it with a mare!”
  17. Every time you ride, your either teaching or un-teaching your horse.
    – Gordon Wright
  18. If anybody expects to calm a horse down by tiring him out with riding swiftly and far, his supposition is the reverse of the truth.
    – Xenophon
  19. Love means attention, which means looking after the things we love. We call this stable management.
    – George H. Morris, The American Jumping Style
  20. What the colt learns in youth he continues in old age.
    – French Proverb
  21. One reason why birds and horses are happy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses.
    – Dale Carnegie, How To Win Friends and Influence People
  22. If you are a rider, the number one thing to do is … marry money!
    – Anonymous
  23. There are only two emotions that belong in the saddle; one is a sense
    of humor and the other is patience. – John Lyons
  24. Horse… If God made anything more beautiful he kept it for himself!
  25. Care, and not fine stables, makes a good horse.
    – Danish Proverb
  26. How to ride a horse:
    Step One – Mount the horse.
    Step Two – Stay mounted …
  27. If a horse stands on you its because your in the way.
  28. There on the tips of fair fresh flowers feedeth he; How joyous is his neigh, there in the midst of sacred pollen hidden all hidden he; how joyous is his neigh.
    – Navajo Song
  29.  Horses are the dolphins of the plains, the spirits of the wind; yet we sit astride them for the sake of being well-groomed, whereas they could have all the desire in the world to bolt, but instead, they adjust their speed and grace, only to please us, never to displease.
    – Lauren Salerno
  30. I live in a house but my home is in the stable
  31. Words are as beautiful as wild horses, and sometimes as difficult to corral.
    – Ted Berkman, The Christian Science Monitor
  32. Nothing moves me more than when on the way to fetching in my mare in the morning than the sound of her neighing to me as I open the gate.
  33. A good rider can hear his horse speak to him. A great rider can hear his horse whisper. But a bad rider won’t hear his horse even if it screams at him!
  34. Who needs men when you have a horse?..oh..wait..someone’s gotta do the paying!
  35.  Life is like a wild horse. You ride it or it rides you.
  36. Boyfriends come and go, but horses are forever.
  37. The only constant thing in life is change, and things can change rapidly when you’re dealing with horses.
  38. When your horse bolts for 10 minutes flat, you know to get off and give up. The question is, how?
    – Annarose Robinson
  39. Love is.. paying a £500 vet bill for a horse worth £50.
  40. I’m in a transitional relationship with my saddle!
  41. When you fall of your horse, usually what’s most hurt is your pride.
  42. Don’t look at a horse as an animal, look as if the horse is a real soul. Because a horse can tell the difference.
  43. You never get the pleasure of owning a horse…
  44. I whisper to my horse, but he never listens!
  45. Some are slaves on the ground but are free on a horse.
  46. You can love horse and ride it and a horse can love you and squash you.
  47. Grooming: the process by which the dirt and hair on the horse is transferred to the groom.
  48. You can lead your horse to water, but you can’t stop him pulling you away!!!
  49. My horse is very quick. Sometimes he’s so quick he leaves me behind.
  50. A western horse has guts and commitment, an english horse has grace and elegance, but my horse has it all!
  51. My horse is security conscience… he always likes to bolt the stable door when I leave.
  52. The hardest thing about learning to ride is the ground!
  53. The Joy of horses is not the riding, jumping, racing, showing, or grooming, but of owning despite becoming poor putting your vet’s kids through college.
  54. When in doubt, leave one stride out!
  55. Been There… Jumped That!
  56. A polo pony is like a motorbike with a mind of its own weighing half a ton.
  57. Whinnying is everything.
  58. Leave a horse’s gate unfastened and he’ll be knocking on your window in the night.
  59. Wild oats aren’t meant for sowing – but they make a nice trail snack.
  60. Ask not what your horse can do for you – Ask what you can do for your horse.
  61. May the horse be with you.
  62. Riding a horse is like therapy with a little more hair and a lot more hay!
  63. A dog may be man’s best friend…But the horse wrote history.
  64. Do not underestimate a horse’s pride, or he will dent yours.
  65. Never drink down-stream from your horse!
  66. Be wary of the horse with a sense of humor.
    – Pam Brown
  67. Riding a Shire is like a moving sofa!!!
  68. And on the seventh day … god went riding!
  69. Jumping is just dressage with speed bumps!
  70. Life is short, hug your horse!
  71. Jumping: It’s just doing flat-work in the air.
  72. Horse sense – something that horses have that stops them betting on humans.
  73. Riding is not a sport, it is a passion. If you do not share the passion, you do not know the sport, and therefore are wasting your time.
  74. There is nothing like a rattling ride for curing melancholy!
    – Pared
  75. Whoever said that money cannot buy happiness didn’t know where to buy a horse.
  76. A horse is like a violin, first it must be tuned, and when tuned it must be accurately played.
  77. Bread may feed my body, but my horse feeds my soul.
    – Arabian Poet

What is your favorite cute or funny horse saying? Let us know in the comments!

Cheers, Kacey

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